Everyone and their mother appears to be talking about going to therapy on every show these days. You've entertained the idea of therapy or counseling in your mind, but you're not sure what to expect.
You've probably heard that talking to a therapist is similar to talking to your best friend. But, if it's the same as talking to your best friend, why spend money, and the time you don't have in therapy? Why not ask your best friend?
Here's a quick list of what to expect from counseling or therapy in the Houston area.
Before we begin, all therapists must be different, so I will be speaking from my own perspective. These are my practices as a therapist.
I WON'T BE GIVING YOU ADVICE DURING THERAPY OR COUNSELING.
The number one misconception about therapy is your therapist specifically tells you what to do. Your therapist is entirely different from your best friend or your mentor. My job is NOT to tell you what to do; after all, who am I to tell you what to do? I am not your boss. My job is simply to ask you questions that give you the space to think deeply, weigh the pros and cons, brainstorm, and eventually come to your own conclusion. You'll learn more about the whys of things, common patterns in your life, and what makes you who you are.
Would it not be a form of control if I told you what to do?
I'M NOT 100 PERCENT NEUTRAL IN THERAPY.
When you watch TV, the therapist is 100% neutral. They really have a blank stare on their face, they nod and smile, and they just appear to have no personality.
I am not like that.
If I feel like you are moving in a perilous direction, I will let you know. I am not neutral at all. My ulterior motive is to guide you towards the completion of your goals. To be neutral will mean that I have no investment in your success. Being neutral would mean that I am a blank slate. I am no blank slate.
My real intention is to guide you to become the person you said you wanted to become when you began working with me.
THERAPY IS HARD WORK.
From the outside looking in, therapy is just two people looking at each other and talking for an hour. This is far from the truth. As a couple therapist in Houston, I have spent over a decade honing my skills, learning human behavior, learning about interpersonal relationships, learning about nonverbal behavior, and even learning about how the brain works to quickly get you your therapy goals.
Therapy is not a walk in the park. There will be tears, some shade was thrown (mostly on my end), moments of deep reflection, and you will feel uncomfortable.
You'll feel like a lot better version of yourself when you've gone through some of those challenging feelings when you're done. To grow a healthy tree, I always remind my clients that they must first dig through the sludge.
And yes, another thing to expect when you work with me is a series of proverbs and sayings that I often make up on the fly.
What can I say? It is the West African therapist in me.
IN OUR THERAPY OR COUNSELING SESSIONS, I WON'T BE BLAMING YOUR MOM FOR EVERYTHING.
People often shy away from therapy in Houston (and everywhere else) because they believe their family will be put on blast or that the therapist will not respect their heritage.
As a Black marriage counselor in Houston and an immigrant, I understand the importance of culture and family and their complexity.
I will absolutely not be blaming your mom, your dad, your grandma, or your neighborhood for everything. I understand that your environment, personality, and family upbringing all play a role in making you who you are. It is entirely unjust to place all of the blame on one person.
AS A THERAPIST, I HAVE NO PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS ABOUT YOU.
Although I primarily work with couples and high-achieving women with anxiety and insomnia, I do not expect all of my clients to be the same. I absolutely do not take a one-size-fits-all approach to my work.
I believe that you are unique, and a massive part of my work is listening and observing. You are the one who tells me the story of who you are, you are the one who walks me through, and you are the captain of the ship.
When you go to a therapy session with me, I have no preconceived notions about you. I do not expect you to check off all of the boxes in the DSM V (the DSM V is the official manual from which therapists diagnose clients).
Instead, I take an approach of not knowing, as I believe you are the expert yourself. You may not realize it yourself better than anyone else or will ever know you. Let us all learn to accept that together.
I ASK YOU WHAT YOUR GOALS FOR THERAPY ARE
Our first Couples counseling Houston session together is like a discovery session. I ask you a lot of questions about your upbringing, your current environment, your time in school, your career, the significant relationships in your life, what brings you into therapy, your emotions, your past experiences in therapy, as well as who you want to be when our time together is done.
All of these questions help me (and you) understand you better. It is like putting 1 million puzzle pieces together to see the big picture. Therapy, in my opinion, should have clear goals so that we know precisely when it is time for you to graduate. No guessing games are involved.
BEFORE DIVING INTO THERAPY, WE GET ALL THE INSURANCE THINGS OUT OF THE WAY.
For therapy to succeed, you need to know exactly what to expect. That means also discussing the boring insurance stuff. If you wish to go through your insurance, I'll tell you everything you should be telling your insurance company so that the road will be smooth.
If you choose to work with me as an out-of-network therapist, I will also sort everything out before starting our sessions. It is essential that when we start sessions, there are no distractions. The ultimate goal is to get you in the headspace necessary to reach your therapy goals.
EXPECT TO LAUGH (A LOT) IN THERAPY.
I am absolutely NOT a nod and smile therapist. You will not get a blank slate or stare from me, and I won't be the therapist who repeatedly asks you, "How does that make you feel?"
We go deeper than that, and I bring in my authentic self. Some days I am loud. Some days I cackle. I happen to laugh A LOT, and yes, we'll have some belly laughs even while discussing anxiety, insomnia, marital struggles, and trauma.
I am an expert. I believe that laughter may help heal a broken heart. So even though we will be doing a lot of work, and tears will be shed, expect to laugh a lot. After all, laughter is the best medicine.
So there it is. Those are some of the elements you should expect when working with me in therapy in the Houston area. As a Black therapist in Houston, I pride myself on helping women of color and couples of color move from surviving to thriving.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.